listening

to really hear

on a deeper level

 

requires quiet reflection

 

a conversation

by its very nature involves one

who is speaking and one

who is listening

 

if you will recall

way back in January I pondered the

idea of a word for the year

and chose

listen

 

for some reason it was pulling at

my heart and begging

to get noticed

maybe because I was also aware that

I am easily

distracted

 

during tv time the family will ask

about a commercial

that just ran and I will

admit that my brain went on

a joy ride and I heard none of it

 

not a big deal

until my escapades began

taking me away during

conversations with

my boys...husband...sisters.

not much fun when you get busted

and have to confess...

i wasn't REALLY listening.

oops.

 

if you don't take the time to

really listen

you run the risk of

not hearing.

 

huh?

 

which brings me to another

conversation

that if you don't stop to listen

you run the risk of

not hearing.

 

prayer.

it has been on my mind for many reasons

there are certain Bible verses that

make me wonder if we

get it.

my conversations with God

are awesome

(yeah...I'm over 20 and using that word...

forgive me here)

seriously,

each word perfectly describes

my emotion...my concern...

my joy.

now put me in the position to

pray with a group and...

well..

it's like I actually told my pastor

one time...

Sorry, Pastor...but I've got nothing.

(no, I am not kidding)

it was as if my mind was unable to

string words together.

I am physically unable to

pray to my God alone and

disregard others around me...

which leaves me wondering...
in those situations...
 for whom my prayers are really intended.

alone...gold.

group...rust.

I can rest in the verse from Matthew

for now...

"But whenever you pray, go

into your room and shut the door

and pray to your Father who is in secret,

and your Father who sees in secret

will reward you."

I say for now...

because this is an area of weakness

and ignorance.

an area that requires work.

to read...to learn.

to speak...and to listen.

 

many keep a prayer journal

to not only reflect on the past

but to see how God works in their lives.

it serves as a visual

that God hears...answers...

listens.

during the summer I was asked to

help in different arenas

at church...

one was with the senior youth...

i had the desire...

i have boys who are that

age and i knew it would be a good

fit

but something kept feeling off

i couldn't figure it out

it just didn't feel right...
 

maybe God had other plans for me.

 

it didn't take a journal for me to find

the answer

summer closed and fall began

and family life

required my full attention

my aging and ailing father-in-law and his only son

who had himself developed

serious health issues...

under went surgeries...
 

life was coming at me hard and I found

myself giving thanks

 

thank you Lord for giving

me ears to hear.
 

thank you for loving me in all

my glorious imperfection.

for knowing me better
than i know
myself.

 

above all...
keep speaking to me.

amen.