to be or not to be (____)?

in this space
i am often faced with
that very
question
where the blank takes many different directions
dependent upon what is happening
in my life.

and i ask myself if
i should open that particular door

to be or not to be

vulnerable?

to share my fears 

and deepest concerns

 insecurities

or will i only show

the sharpest images 

those that are focused and crisp

often feeling 

the deleted tell a clearer story

and are a better reflection of how i feel

even if my worry is one that

i know connects us all

today's,

 the passage of time

remembering when i ordered a Christmas

stocking for my sweet newborn babe

or having all my boys with me

under the same roof

all the while

knowing how quickly my now will

change

to be or not to be

confessional?

when i am so hyper focused

on the newest

curve ball

of life

should i use this blog to tell all?

does discretion block me

 from helping others who may need to know

they aren't alone

maybe...

just maybe 

i could

find a hand to hold

with words from

a been there...done that

perspective.

not alone

but together 

can we sort through

the stuff of

life

that touches us all

disease

aging

divorce

death

messy life

stuff

?

to be or not to be

honest?

 will i present a still life

rather than show the

complexities 

i always strive to be genuine

because i know my readers are smart people

and would see right through

anything less

but

am i strong enough to boldly proclaim

that which is important to me

things

like

my faith

or will i

in an attempt to not offend

to not turn people off

to be politically and socially correct

check

and double-check my wording?

keeping things positive and

up beat

in a world where

negativity flows rampant

a balancing act that 

has me feeling

wobbly

struggling to find the right footing

questions

that i am

fearlessly

authentically

honestly

boldly

opening the door on

if only but a crack